ARTS AS A TOOL TO BE SPECIAL?

I threw every piece of pencil and paper away, not even glancing a little bit on those miserable art appliances. ''Maybe it's not time. I am not supposed to be for this.'' No longer did I seriously consider sketching or blending colors as a favorite or a worthy thing to do. Before long, I started to look down my nose at the true values of arts, demonstrated by how I spent tons of time for academic purposes and school work instead of embracing on my arts skills.

Since the day I was born, it is believed that I have gifted art talent since the things I draw are quite captivating. When being a little primary school kid, my friends used to compliment me a lot on my drawings, leading to the fact that some people I did not know come and ask to see my drawings. Such a beautiful experience to have, isn't it? Yet, I did not feel so; everything in my head was:''Okay. There's nothing to do with these stuff. Who wants a beautiful drawing if it does nothing to your studying?'' Things did not change until I turned 15, when I started to look more closely and seriously into what I have. Gradually, the belief that arts does me no good began to fade, replaced by the sense of accomplishment whenever creating a beautiful work.

Why is that the case? I kept asking myself hundreds of times for the shift in my belief. Luckily, this is also the case for me to do a reflection on my growth. I still remember it was not until when I prepared for UWC application form that I realized the importance of arts. I know this does not sound like an ethical thought as I was just thinking for my advantages. Yet, somehow, I realized being able to paint is actually a gift. I did not practice my artistic skill seriously as I have always been holding the belief that it's okay to let things be natural. There have been so many times when I sucked at drawing something I wanted to just because of impatience and a sense of loosing time. Everytime I held my pencil on to create something, I hesitated for a while, before eventually deciding to put it back and do other stuff.

When preparing for UWC, gradually I realized that only arts could make me look mors special in the admission officer's eyes. I put some paintings into my application, even those are not carefully drawn and graded. At that period of time, I was sure that I was somehow unique in my own way just because I demonstrated myself as an art lover. But people don't know what they don't know. I failed. Officially. And it took me only a couple of months to get over that feeling; maybe I'm a positive person. Reflecting on that time when I viewed arts as a tool to make me look more special in other people's eyes, my heart and soul feel like I am a totally bad teenager not knowing how to embrace and appreciate what I have. How can I think I can stand out with some paintings when I do not put enough efforts into them? What is the definition of being special when I do not even understand myself? The experience with UWC made me think thoroughly about everything around me, thus enabled me to view arts in another way.

Never should arts be considered a tool for a person to stand out. Never can arts serve as a way for a person to think that he or she is special. And I know, people can easily tell if someone is putting efforts into their work or not, as beauty is easily perceived just by both eyes and feelings. Now, when I am sitting in my room writing these lines, I can't be thankful enough to have hands to draw, eyes to perceive and enjoy beauty, and a sense of aesthetic skill just to love my life in a way I do not wish to demand anymore. And if you wonder whether you are feeling the beauty of arts in a right way, maybe you want to know more about Vincent Van Gogh and empathize with his life as a true artist.

We know that arts is PAINting.